


Shenanigans

by Remsyk



Series: Antics and Nonsense [5]
Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Cooking, Exercising, Gen, In depth analysis of riding dick, Jenga, Just Heero Things, M/M, Magic Mike reference, New Year's Eve, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Pancakes, Pinterest, Poor Wufei, Professor!Trowa, Shenanigans, Stupid dares, Tumblr Prompt, chat fic, shitpost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-03-08 06:21:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13452330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remsyk/pseuds/Remsyk
Summary: A Collection of my shitposts from Tumblr.Enter looking for a good time. Expect the tags to change as more installments are added





	1. Volunteer Work

**Author's Note:**

> Trowa, university professor and all around nice guy, volunteered to help with Midnight Breakfast, a little something the faculty does for students during finals week.
> 
> Inspired by conversations that were unintentionally hilarious in nature. Most of the chatting in this was actual conversation, with a few minor edits, so any spelling/punctuation mistakes are intentional.

Trowa walked into the student center, far too early to be fashionable. He glanced around the large space, then sighed, resigning himself to waiting on one of the various benches lining the hall.

It was better than standing around like one of the awkward teens he was here to feed.

Why he had ever volunteered was a question he asked himself more times than he cared to count, starting from the moment his lips betrayed him with a single word.

With another sigh, he pulled out his phone, pulling up the group chat that kept up permanent residence on his home screen. A quick glance showed the others were online, or at the very least, had their chat open as well. He brought the phone to face level and snapped a quick photo, shooting it off to the others.

_At the student center about to makes eggs for the youths. This is my excited face._

He sat back and waited, and wasn’t surprised Duo was the first to answer.

_Duo: Nah, that’s your ‘Wtf am I doing here face’. I can tell by that gleam in your eye._

Trowa snorted, waiting as the status changed, indicating someone else was typing.

_Wufei: They better appreciate you_

_Quatre: ^^^^^_

He quirked a grin, quickly typing his response.

_I’m sure they will, free food and all_

_Most of my students are on the verge of nervous breakdowns because of the workload so they will appreciate the hell out of it_

“Oh good! I’m so glad you made it!”

Trowa looked up to the woman standing in front of him, her relief clear. He moved to stand, but she waved him down.

“You volunteered to do eggs, right?”

“Yes?” Trowa answered hesitantly, sensing a ‘but’ in her statement.

“Could you do us a huge favor and make the pancakes instead?” she wrung her hands, watching him expectantly. “Jackie’s never done pancakes, but said she can do the eggs easily.”

Trowa suppressed a sigh, knowing it would only stress the poor woman more if he told her the truth. “Sure, I’ll make pancakes.”

She let out a huge sigh, shoulders sagging as a smile cracked her face. “Oh thank god. Thank you!”

He nodded, then waited until she left before snatching his phone, the thin thread of panic pushing his fingers to blinding speed.

_I got switched to pancakes!_

_Fuck me_

_I just pour in and don’t let it turn brown right?_

The response was thankfully immediate.

_Quatre: Pancakes are easy_

Trowa quirked an eyebrow at the statement.

_Are there rules?_

_Quatre: No rules_

_Quatre: You just look_

Trowa frowned thoughtfully at his screen. That sounded simple enough.

_Okay, I can do this._

_Duo: It has little bubbles in the center when done_

_Duo: XD_

_Quatre: You can def do it_

_Duo: I have all the confidence in you_

_Quatre: But the bubbles! When they pop and leave little holes they are ready to flip_

_Duo:^^^_

_Duo: That’s a much better way of explaining it_

Trowa blinked at the rapid fire responses crawling up his screen, the two hellions bouncing information off each other faster than he could react. So, just watch for bubbles. That didn’t sound difficult. Until he realized the second part.

_Oh shit_

_When do I know the post flipped side is done?_

_Quatre: When the bubbles pop like that it means the batter is done all the way through except the exposed side_

It was then the final member of their group decided to join in.

_Heero: I have no experience with pancakes_

Trowa bit the inside of his cheek to stifle his snort. He was surprised he answered at all. Meanwhile, Quatre continued his instructions.

_Quatre: So just flip and cook long enough to brown_

Trowa checked the clock, then stowed his phone as he rose, making his way to the line of tables set up on the far side of the main hall. He found the woman who had spoken to him earlier, the Director of Student Life, if he remembered correctly. She looked up as he approached.

“I was just about to come get you,” she nodded to a skillet set up at the end of the table. “You’re station is ready. We’re just waiting for them to bring out the batter, then you can start.”

He looked over the arrangement, then made a snap decision.

“Do you have any piping bags?”

She paused, staring at him with wide eyes. “What?”

“Piping bags,” he repeated patiently. “So I can make designs.”

She blinked at him a moment longer, then finally found her voice. “How Pinterest of you.”

It was Trowa’s turn to blink, feeling vaguely insulted as she turned away, mumbling to herself. He frowned, then found a nearby chair, deciding to sit and wait for his batter to arrive. Once settled, he pulled his phone out once more, already anticipating the reactions from the others.

_I asked if they had piping bags so I could do cool designs_

_Wufei: Oh my god_

Trowa quirked a grin and pressed on.

_The director of student life looked at me like I was insane_

_And said “how Pinterest of you”_

_Quatre: You are insane!_

Duo’s response was simply a row of laughing emojis, stretching Trowa’s smirk.

_I don’t think I’ve ever felt more insulted._

_But Christmas tree pancakes would be cool, right?_

_Duo: Never done this before, let me_

_Duo: Pipe some cool ass designs_

Well, when put that way, Trowa thought with a smile, it did seem rather ridiculous.

_Go big or go home._

_Heero: Omfg Trowa_

_Wufei: Just make pancakes holy fuck_

If he were less reserved, or Duo or Quatre, he would be holding his sides from laughing. Their reactions made the night more bearable before it had even begun.

_SHE doesn’t know I’ve never done this before_

_Duo: I’m dying right now_

_Quatre: How Pinterest of you? That’s amazing_

Trowa looked up thoughtfully, eyeing the griddle for a moment before replying.

_I bet I can still drizzle with the pitcher of batter_

_Or end up with a solid square of pancake…_

_If I put the batter in a vinyl glove will it taste awful_?

He couldn’t help it; he grinned at the screen, waiting for his feed to explode.

He wasn’t disappointed.

_Duo: This is getting batter and batter_

_Duo: I have no idea_

Trowa could picture him grinning like a loon, his full bellied laughs echoing through the room.

_Wufei: Do not do that_

_Wufei: Just make pancakes_

The image of Wufei scowling at his phone rose in his mind.

_Quatre: At least until you get the hang of it then you can have fun but if you don’t know what you’re doing they’ll be raw dough in the middle_

_Duo: ^^^_

_Heero: Jfc Trowa_

_Heero: Master a normal pancake first_

“Okay, everything’s ready.”

Trowa tucked his phone away and made his way to his station, thoughtfully eyeing the two pitchers of pancake batter.

“Just get a stack ready,” she pointed to the empty tray next to the skillet. “Then you can make more as needed.”

He nodded, hefting the first pitcher. He poured on the batter, replaying the instructions as he watched the thick liquid solidify and bubble. He waited a minute longer, then flipped the pancake, frowning at the dark brown color. Trowa cut down his wait and flipped the finished pancake into the tray, noting the lighter brown on the second side.

Not bad for his first attempt.

After a few more tries, he decided to try for the designs. The pitcher was unwieldy, but he drizzled the batter in loops, an easier feat with half the batter gone. He flipped the finished pancake in with the others, a satisfied smirk in place.

He finished a few more, then pulled out his phone once more, snapping a picture of the finished products.

_Who needs a piping bag_

_Duo: Not bad at all_

_Quatre: I’m very impressed tbh_

Trowa smiled and put the device away one final time, nodding his thanks to the professor who switched out his empty pitcher for a new one. He could see the students milling around at the entry, clutching their books and bags, looking more like zombies than living beings.

It was going to be a long night, but now he didn’t feel so bad about volunteering


	2. Never Skip Leg Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Does riding dick count as leg day asking for a friend

“Does riding dick count as leg day? Asking for a friend.”

Heero paused in his reps, certain he hadn’t just heard the ridiculous question uttered in his presence, but a quick glance at the speaker confirmed his worst fears.

Of course Duo would ask.

“You’re not getting out of leg day.”

Duo huffed, his hands planted on his hips. “I said I’m asking for a friend.”

Heero rolled his eyes, his skepticism clear. “If you’re sore, you can just tell me. I’ll adjust our routine accordingly.”

He heard Duo’s frustration as he adjusted the weights on the machine.

“What part of ‘asking for a friend’ are you not getting?”

“The part where it’s actually for a friend,” Heero quipped back, settling back to begin his next set of reps.

“I knew I never should have asked you,” Duo grumbled, setting the weights on his own machine with sharp movements.

Heero internally sighed and decided to humor him. “Let’s assume that the physical exertion needed to ‘ride dick’ was equitable to power squats.”

Duo snorted but remained silent, his attention split between Heero and his own exercises.

“How many reps did he do?”

The weights hit the base with a loud clank, earning a frown from Heero as Duo stared at him, eyes wide. “What?”

“Your friend, how many reps did he do? In order for it to count as meaningful exercise, he would have to meet and or exceed his current maximum reps, so how many did he do?”

Duo blinked, frozen in place on his bench. “I don’t fucking know; it’s not like there’s someone watching with a clicker counting each bounce.”

Heero hummed thoughtfully, mentally conceding the point. “Alright, how about a rough estimate for how long he performed?” He thought he heard Duo choke, but he would have to wait to check until he finished his own rep. “We can calculate how many he did based on length of time and the average amount of time it takes to perform one squat, assuming of course he maintained a steady rate throughout the duration.”

Duo coughed before answering, his voice strangely raspy. “Jesus, Heero, a simple yes or no would have been fine.”

Heero finished his reps, sitting up on his bench to frown at Duo, whose face was a deep red. “I can’t give a definitive answer if I don’t know if the exertion was adequate to count as a replacement for leg day.”

Duo opened and closed his mouth, then finally snapped it shut, laying back on his bench to resume his own exercises. Heero watched him move through a few reps, then grabbed his towel as he rose to move to the next machine, setting it up for their usual routine.

He wasn’t surprised when Duo joined him early.

He suppressed a twitch of his lips, turning his head slightly to hide it from Duo.

“Any chance we can do an abbreviated routine today?” Duo asked, fidgeting slightly.

Heero didn’t bother to hide his self-satisfied smirk as he looked up over his shoulder. “Not if you want to improve your performance.”

Duo’s mouth dropped open, then he flipped him the bird before walking away, Heero’s laughter trailing in his wake.


	3. JENGA!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duo challenges Heero to a "simple" dare.
> 
> Original Post:  
> http://remsyk-blog.tumblr.com/post/169151985597/kangofu-cb-maevemauvaise-claraxbarton

It was meant to be a dare. Duo had heard about it, read it on the Internet, and while the physics added up, the possibility of it happening was slim to none. He couldn’t remember if Mythbusters had done a segment on it, but it seemed like a worthy venture to test.

Enter one Heero Yuy, the perfect test candidate and all around Dare Devil. For all of Heero’s brilliance, it was incredibly easy to goad him into a dare, especially when said dare was backed by scientific research and an abysmal chance of success.

All Duo needed was a venue.

Which was thoughtfully provided by Relena. The end of the year was fast approaching, and she had invited all the guys to hang out with her as a way to enjoy a relaxing celebration to usher in the new year.

It was perfect.

Duo brought the supplies for the dare, and as Quatre and Trowa unpacked the beverages, he and Relena set up the game, carefully clearing the coffee table and checking the surface. He had even brought a level to ensure the least amount of variables for the dare.

“Is that really necessary?” Relena asked as he squinted at the tiny bubble.

“Heero won’t do it if all outside variables haven’t been eliminated.” Duo nodded to himself and rose, setting the level aside. He grabbed the first block and began building. Relena rolled her eyes, but moved to help him. They quickly finished building, and stepped back to inspect their work.

“I can’t believe you got him to agree to this,” Relena laughed, shaking her head.

Duo grinned. “What can I say? This is going to be amazing.”

“That’s it?”

The pair turned to where Wufei stood inspecting the tower. “He just has to pull a block from that?”

Duo tsked and waved an arm at the block tower. “Wufei, good sir, this is Jenga!” At this point, the others had joined them, and Duo launched into a brief explanation of the rules. “Lastly, I dared Heero to pull the center block when it was the only thing holding up the rest, and bet he couldn’t do it without causing it to topple.”

Heero grunted, confirming the agreement.

Wufei scoffed. “Impossible. There’s no way those block are all uniform. Any manufacturing defect can derail the game.”

Duo’s grin took on a mischievous edge. “Such are the risks.”

“Let’s play and see what happens,” Quatre cut in, ever the diplomat.

And thus the game progressed, until the fated single block held up the top third of the structure. Duo waved the others away, grabbing his phone to record the inevitable chaos. He began the recording and nodded to Heero.

“Okay buddy, let’s see what you’ve got.”

Heero rolled his eyes and began easing the block out from under its confines, stopping when the end of the block was flush with the side of the one above.

“Do it on three,” Duo suggested, nearly buzzing from the suspense. Around him, the others watched with bated breath, each paused in their current activities.

Heero took a deep breath, adjusted his grip on the block, then pulled sharply.

Duo froze as the structure shook dangerously from the sudden movement, the above blocks clapping together in a sharp slap, the tower wobbled slightly and then…

Remained standing.

Cue the chaos.

“OH MY GOD!” Duo screamed, his eyes wide as his jaw dropped. “Are you SHITTING ME?!” He was sure he heard Quatre and Relena scream, and panned the phone to where Quatre stood, his hands on his head, jaw slack with disbelief.

Wufei barked a shocked laugh and shook his head, walking away from the fanfare to where Trowa stood by the kitchen counter. He tipped his glass at Heero before tossing it back.

Relena was bent double by the table, alternately laughing and expressing her disbelief, clutching her middle. “I can’t believe you did it. Oh my god, you actually did it.” Duo could see the shimmer of tears streaming down her face.

And in the center of it all, stood Heero Yuy, triumphant smirk plastered firmly on his face, the infamous block clutched in his hand. He turned to Duo, his smirk widening as he look straight into the camera.

“What’s my prize?”


	4. Computer, What Have I Done?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "i bought an echo and a wifi lightbulb just so i could say “computer, turn off the light” instead of getting out from under the covers to flip the switch.  
> problem found: my husband keeps yelling for the echo to play certain songs before he enters the bedroom so he can have entrance music appropriate to his mood"
> 
> Original Post: http://remsyk-blog.tumblr.com/post/170007673112/computer-what-have-i-done

Duo leaned on the doorframe, arms and ankles crossed as he craned his head back to watch Heero on the ladder, who was methodically screwing in a lightbulb in their overhead light.

“Did the bulb blow?” Duo finally asked, his curiosity overriding his spectating.

“No,” Heero answered, gathering the empty packaging and old bulb. He climbed down the ladder and slid past Duo to the hall closet, carefully storing the bulb before taking the trash downstairs.

Duo stayed where he was, knowing that Heero would be back in a minute to grab the ladder, and to answer his unspoken question. The couple had long ago learned the routine for such things. Heero would elaborate on single word answers, and Duo would wait patiently for him to expand on said answers without hounding him.

Sure enough, Heero returned, sliding past Duo again to take down the ladder.

“It’s a Wifi light bulb,” Heero finally said, the short ladder tucked under his arm. Duo raised an eyebrow, slightly bemused.

“A wifi…. Light bulb?”

Heero nodded. “I’m going to connect it to the Echo.”

Duo stiffened, eyes going wide. “You bought an Echo?”

Heero narrowed his eyes, suddenly suspicious. “Yes?” He said carefully.

“And you didn’t tell me?”

Heero frowned, confused by his reaction. “Are you angry with me? I thought you said you wanted one.”

Duo shook his head, a grin suddenly splitting his face. “I’m not angry, babe, just pleasantly surprised. Though,” he paused, glancing up at the new bulb. “I am a little confused by the new fixture.”

“It’s so we can operate the light without getting out of bed,” Heero said, stepping to the door. Duo moved out of the way, then went back into the room once Heero had passed. After putting the ladder away, he grabbed the Echo and brought it upstairs to their room.

Duo was sitting on the bed, legs swinging over the edge as he waited. He watched Heero as he set up the small device, a particular expression on his face. Heero outwardly ignored him, but inwardly was on edge. He knew that look; once Duo’s gears were turning, it was difficult to anticipate what he was up to.

Finished, Heero stood up and flipped the switch on, lighting up the room.

“Computer, turn off the light.”

Duo oo’ed from the bed as the room was plunged into darkness, leaving the room bathed in the light of the full moon.

“Computer, turn on the light.”

Heero nodded as the light turned on, satisfied with his work.

“That’s pretty cool and all,” Duo said, rising from the bed. He slowly stalked across the room, eyes pinned on Heero. “But what about some practical applications?”

Heero smirked slightly, watching the graceful movements of the lithe man, his pulse rising with each careful step. “What did you have in mind?”

Duo drew close, just enough to feel his body heat without touching, and looked up through his lashes, mischievous grin in place. “Computer, dim the light.”

Heero’s smirk turned into a grin as Duo looped his fingers in Heero’s pants, pulling him towards the bed as the lights slowly dimmed to a warm glow. Oh yes, this was one of his better ideas.

A week later, Heero was having second thoughts.

The light was not the issue; since their first ‘test run’, they had both used the new feature, in the morning when they were reluctant to get out of bed, and at night when they were too comfortable to get up again.

The problem was the Echo.

Namely, the newly discovered capability of the Echo, and Duo’s ability to twist every available technological advance in his favor.

It had started out as a joke.

Duo had been fiddling with the features when he discovered he could access the music player through voice commands.

Heero had been in the living room, reading over one of his reports. Duo had been upstairs ever since Heero had banished him for being too distracting. It had been a rather productive evening, when music started playing through the speakers.

_Sugar!_

Heero glanced around with a frown. Movement caught his eye, and he twisted to look over the couch to the stairs, where Duo was dancing, his expression was carefully blank as he rolled his hips in time with the beat.

Heero pressed his lips together as Duo suddenly snapped his eyes to him, mouthing the words as he gyrated across the floor.

_If you want my body and you think I’m sexy  
Come on sugar, let me know_

Heero bit his lip as he tried to resist laughing, twisting back to his seat as Duo came around the couch, his dancing increasingly outrageous and dramatic, all while keeping a straight face. Finally, Heero cracked, throwing his head back in a full bellied laugh as Duo turned and shoved his ass in his face, waving it side to side.

“Stop!” Heero grabbed Duo’s hips as he laughed, his stomach clenching painfully. “Duo, jesus, you’re killing me!”

Duo pulled out of his grasp and turned around, his shirt unbuttoned and hanging from his shoulders, signature grin in place. “Computer, pause.”

“Computer, play,” Heero grinned, grabbing Duo to pull him onto the couch. “You wanted me to let you know, right?”

It quickly became an unspoken rule. Heero would come home, and depending on the music, could gauge what kind of mood Duo was in.

One evening, Heero had come home to a note taped to a nerf gun, the Jaws theme playing in the background. Another night, he had come home to silence, once a normal evening, now a terrifying sign.

Heero came to rely on these indicators, so he didn’t think twice about inviting Wufei over for dinner.

“What is that?”

Heero glanced up from where he was removing his shoes. “Backstreet Boys, from the sounds of it.”

Wufei blinked at him. “Backstreet what?”

_You are, my fire  
The one, desire_

“You listen to this?” Wufei scoffed, hanging up his jacket. The pair moved into the living room as the song continued.

“Duo likes to have something playing when I come home,” Heero glanced around the room. “He’s probably upstairs. I’ll get him.”

“Just get him to turn off this music,” Wufei rolled his eyes as he made his way to the kitchen.

_Tell me why, ain’t nothing but a heartache_   
_Tell me why, ain’t nothing but a mistake_   
_Tell me why, I never want to hear you say-_

“MAXWELL!”

Heero jumped and raced back down the stairs to the kitchen, crowding in behind a stiff and shaking Wufei.

Duo was standing in front of the fridge, a half-empty bottle of water in one hand, eyes wide as he bit his lip, shoulders shaking. There was water all over the floor, leading to where Wufei stood, his entire front drenched.

Heero shoved a fist to his mouth and turned away, knowing that the preservation of their friendship depended on his ability to remain calm.

“Maxwell, what the hell were you thinking?” Wufei demanded, wiping water from his face as he pushed back his hair.

Duo pressed his lips together as he tried to regain his composure. “That you were Heero?” He finally said in a strained voice.

Heero lost it. Laughter filled the small room as he leaned against the counter, clutching his sides, tears streaming down his face. He could hear Duo laughing as Wufei sputtered angrily.

“I’m getting takeout. You two are hopeless!” Wufei turned and stormed out of the room, and their house.

The pair finally calmed down enough to breathe, each wiping tears from their faces.

“He’s going to be pissed at us for days,” Duo said between chuckles.

“It was worth it,” Heero grinned, eyeing Duo’s outfit, complete with sweatpants and a loose muscle shirt. “Let me guess, Magic Mike.”

Duo matched his grin, tossing the half empty bottle in the sink. “Shame you missed the best part.”

Heero arched an eyebrow as he loosened his tie.

“Computer, repeat.”


End file.
